If Emotional Abuse is a Form of Child Abuse Then Parental Alienation is Child Abuse

Mental health experts agree the attempt to sever a child's bond with a parent is emotionally abusive. If you are being denied visitation and access to your children without cause you may be dealing with a form of child abuse coined as Parental Alienation by Dr. Richard A. Gardner. This is when a parent manipulates the child to turn against the other parent. So if severing the bond is emotionally abusive then Parental Alienation is child abuse and must be recognized to effectively counter it.

At a minimum the Federal Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act defines child abuse and neglect as any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caregiver which results in death, serious physical injury or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation, or an act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm.

In the context of the relationship between the child and an alienating parent we will use a further definition of the act defining abuse as a repetitive patter of the parent's behavior or extreme incidences that convey to the children that they are worthless, flawed, unloved, unwanted, endangered, or only of value in meeting the needs of others.

If Emotional Abuse is a Form of Child Abuse Then Parental Alienation is Child Abuse

There are many behaviors in Parental Alienation that are emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually abusive towards children who are exposed to a parent who wants to turn them against the other parent.

Amy J.L. Baker who has over eighteen years experience in researching parent-child relationships and children's wellbeing list seven observable tactics used in Parental Alienation that are forms of abuse. They are verbal assault, isolation, corruption, rejection, terrorizing, ignoring, and over pressurizing. These tactics are used for persuading the children to complying with the alienating parent's wishes.

The parent's dominating desires are to hurt the target by getting the children to reject him, and for them to demonstrate their absolute loyalty to her by rejecting the target parent. When there is no compliance with their wishes the alienating parent feels disrespected and will often increases the intensity of the alienation.

In the process of denying the target parent's involvement with their children the alienating parent disregards the needs of the children to have the target in their lives and the emotional pain it causes them not to receive their love. The giving and receiving of love between a parent and child is a vital component in developing and maintaining a healthy parent-child relationship and the development of the child's self-esteem.

For example when Vincent separated from his wife, Lynn because of her constant accusation of him having an affair and their inability to resolve the dispute; he decides it is best to move out leaving their daughters, Elisabeth and Kate with their mother to minimize disruption in their lives and the anxiety the fighting is causing them.

Lynn's suspicions arose from a comment she overheard by a coworker of his, Andrea made on how attractive he is. Though there is no evidence to support her claim she equates the comment as proof that they are having an affair. As she thinks on the distorted view she accepts it as true. This causes her pain and she vows that he will pay for hurting her.

After moving out Vincent dropped by on a daily bases to spend time with his daughters and made a habit of calling them at bedtime to tell them that he loves them and wish them a good night.

Lynn became jealous of Elisabeth, Kate, and their father relationship as she watched the affection they have for each other. Cultivating resentment she rationalized her feelings that his involvement in their lives is a ploy to win them over, and turn them against her to make it will be easier for him to gain custody. Under the surface she fears losing her identity as a parent if she looses custody.

Because of her insecurities, Lynn continually bad-mouthed their father in front of Elisabeth and Kate, repeatedly telling them their father moved out because he does not want to be with you or love you. He only cares about himself and only comes around so he can look good in front of his family and friends. She would follow-up with, "If he really cared and loved you he would not have left you."

Believing that Vincent deserves to be punished for his infidelity Lynn also denied him access to the children as a consequence for cheating on her.

This angered Vincent causing him to be argumentative, demanding of Lynn that she respect his parental rights and not to deny him the right to be involved with the children and their right to be a part of his. With each progressive argument Lynn's resolve strengthened to keep the girls away from him.

Because of Vincent's insistence on having access to his daughters Lynn obtained a restraining order of protection from court, legally forcing him to stay away or face jail time for contempt of court. This strategy effectively isolated Elisabeth and Kate from their father. The lack of access to his children prevented Vincent from correcting any misconceptions they may have about the separation, how he feels about them, and why he moved.

Successfully isolating the girls from their father, Lynn also influenced them to emotionally distance themselves from him by repetitiously telling them that he abandoned them because he does not care or love you, conveniently leaves out the restraining order for the reason of his absents. The underline message is he is not worthy of their love because of his rejection of them. In addition to hurting Vincent, Lynn emotionally abused her children to cover up her jealousy of the attention they receive from him and the fear of losing custody of them and never seeing them again.

The tactics of Parental Alienation are psychologically and emotionally painful for children to deal with. Seeing themselves as not loved, valued, wanted and cared for. This effects their self-esteem because they often feel that the parent's absents is their fault.

They can be tormented by the thought that the alienating parent hates the parts of them which resemble the target parent. They feel in order to receive love and be of value to the alienating parent they must bury any affection they have for the target parent and reject that parent. They fear if they do not satisfy the alienating parent's emotional needs they will be treated like a traitor and be mistreated like the target parent.

Accepting these views can also cause them the destructive beliefs that something is wrong with them to be denied the affection of love from a parent. Feeling rejected by a parent hurts them and diminishes their perception on how they are valued by others causing emotional havoc as they mature.

Under the ploy of needing protection from their father, Lynn causes unnecessary anxiety for Elisabeth and Kate while dissolving the bond they have with their father so she could hurt him for his cheating on her.

Parental Alienation is child abuse because it breaks down healthy parent-child boundaries which give children the framework to discover who they are and are not. The boundaries are vital for children to develop a solid self-esteem. They are the foundation to protect self-worth, experience empowerment, freedom to choose, and encourage them to take responsibility and ownership of their lives as they grow up.

Final note: Helping children to cope with Parental Alienation and resist the tactics should be done with the assistance of a qualified mental health professional this will help them make sense of why the alienating parent wants to sever the bond they have with the other parent.

It is important to obtain a therapist who is familiar with Parental Alienation, high conflict custody disputes, and court procedures. This will significantly expedite court hearings and treatment and a component of therapy should be to have a discussion of the different types of abuse there is to determine which ones apply. Once a determination is made then a treatment plan can be implicated so the healing can begin.

If Emotional Abuse is a Form of Child Abuse Then Parental Alienation is Child Abuse
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Saying "Happy Father's Day" in Different Languages

"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." - Sigmund Freud.

Remember the days as a child, when you used to wait for your father to be back home in the evening? When you would jump into his arms ... share your day's exploits with him? And how patiently he would hear to all your tales? How easily he would solve the most intricate problems? You would know his arrival by the sheer knock on the door... you knew it was him. You knew him by his body odor - that soothing one that always seemed to reassure you that he was near. You knew him by his touch, his sounds, his gait ...... you knew him by instinct.

The picture remains same. Over time and across geographical locations - the picture of a child relating to his/her father remains unaltered. No matter which corner of the world you belong the facets of relationship with your father never seems to change - the games you played with him in the backyard, the long drives, the values you learnt .... the list is endless.

Saying "Happy Father's Day" in Different Languages

It's this universality of a father-child relationship that makes Fathers Day a global event. While dates vary across regions, so does the language of wishing your father a "Happy Father's Day".

This is how you would say "Happy Father's Day" in different languages -

1) Spanish - Día de padres feliz

2) Russian - Счастливый день отцов

3) Portuguese - Dia de pais feliz

4) Italian - Giorno di padri felice

5) German - Glücklicher Vatertag

6) French - Jour de pères heureux

7) Dutch - De gelukkige Dag van Vaders

Although most countries celebrate Fathers Day according to the American custom, on the third Sunday of June, however there are some regions where Fathers day is celebrated on other dates. Argentina, Bangladesh, Bulgaria, Canada, Chile, China, Cuba, Czech Republic, France, Greece, Hong Kong, India, Japan, Malaysia, Malta, Mauritius, Mexico, Netherlands, Pakistan, Peru, Philippines, Puerto Rico, Ireland, Singapore, Slovakia, South Africa, Sri Lanka, Trinidad and Tobago, Turkey, United Kingdom, Venezuela, Zimbabwe all follow the American custom ( third Sunday of June) while Austria, Belgium and Costa Rica celebrate the event on the second Sunday of June. In the southern hemisphere - Australia and New Zealand celebrate Father's Day on the first Sunday of September. Russia celebrates the event on 23rd February while In China Father's Day is celebrated on the 8th of August. Some countries again have a religious aspect to this event. While Iran celebrates Father's Day according yto the Islamic calendar on 13 Rajab, Germany follows the Biblical date of Ascension Day to celebrate the event. This year ( 2007) the date was on May 17.

No matter what date the event is celebrated on, what language is used to wish - the core emotion of expressing love, respect and gratitude on this day remains unchanged.

Saying "Happy Father's Day" in Different Languages
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Richard Dupont writes on holidays and global events like Father's Day, Mother's Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, valentine's Day etc. He also writes on family, relationships, religion, love and friendship. He is a writer with special interest in ecard industry and writes for 123greetings.com.

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Why Men Should Have No Say On The Abortion Issue

I had a discussion with a close male friend this week who says he is pro-choice - to
an extent. He went on for sometime sharing his views on abortion with me. While he
was talking I realized something very important - unless he is the father of the
fetus, what he says really doesn't matter because he's a man.

It really gets me steamed when a man sits in judgment of a woman who has had an
abortion. I just don't see how a man can speak to this issue at all. Why should men
need to establish any type of position at all on a subject that is clearly feminine by
nature? I know many are already cowering away from this article in fear of hell's fire.
Think about it though, there are several reason why men should not have a say in
what women do with their bodies.

Congratulations Sir, You're Pregnant

Why Men Should Have No Say On The Abortion Issue

For example, men have never had to face the decision of whether they should allow
a child to grow inside them. They have never been in the position of reconciling the
gift of life with the invasion of life. In fact, a man can just impregnate a woman and
walk away, which is exactly what many have done. If a man can have the right to
choose whether he wants the responsibility of fatherhood, shouldn't the woman
have the same choice concerning motherhood?

Men have never been in the position of having a foreign object growing in their
bodies and being told it would be immoral to want that object removed. Men cannot
relate to the feeling personal invasion brought about by an unwanted pregnancy or
the fears of being a single mother. The woman's body is used as a vessel for life,
but it should be each woman's decision as to whether she wants to be a vessel at
that point in her life.

Daddy Isn't Here, Sweetheart

Another reason men shouldn't have a say on the abortion issue is because since the
dawn of time women have carried the majority of the burden of child rearing while
the man pursues his own interests in life. Meanwhile, the wife is tied to the home to
raise the children that both of them created. Men cannot relate to the stifling feeling
that comes from being subjected to living a life as the primary care giver. In fact,
there should be no primary care giver at all, it should be a shared responsibility.
However, when the father is not around, the woman has no other choice.

The woman knows what having a child will mean to her personal life (and yes, her
life does matter too). Sometimes the changes are welcomed, other times the future
is very scary. A man can go on with his life, his career and his own interests with
little worry about his future other than being forced to set up the baby's crib before
the mother goes into labor - if that much. However, the mother's sacrifices and
responsibilities are endless and she knows how important it is to raise children who
are productive members of society. She can't fail - even if he does shrug his
responsibilities.

Men have basically handed over parental responsibilities to the women and walked
away. Even the most well-intentioned father engages in but a small amount of the
parenting responsibilities. The women, with no other choice but to raise the children
since the father is out pursuing his career, or whatever it is that men do when they
are not at home with their families, are forced into a situation that may not even be
what that woman needs to thrive in life. She has no choice.

Does the man care that his selfishness could have a detrimental impact on the
woman? Nope. She's doing what society expects of her and he is doing whatever he
wants. It is especially difficult for women in these days when so many men just
abandon their responsibilities as fathers altogether and leave the woman completely
alone to raise the child as a single parent. Even when a father is physically around,
oft times he is not around emotionally. But again, the woman has no choice.

It Takes Two

The reason it takes both a man and a woman to make a child is because nature
knew it would take both a man and a woman to raise that child. When the man
shrugs his paternal obligation, the woman is left with a burden that wasn't meant to
be shouldered by one person.

So many conservatives believe women get recklessly pregnant and then use abortion
as birth control. This is just a tactic used to justify the imposition of their morals on
other people. Anyone who has ever been inside an abortion clinic knows abortion is
always a last resort for women. It's a desperate move to solve a desperate problem -
not a routine action.

What's even more ironic is that many times these conservatives would be the first to
rush their daughter to the abortion clinic just to save face if she ended up with an
unwanted pregnancy. Then they have the audacity to condemn the women who
choose to not have a baby because they couldn't afford to feed it or didn't want to
raise the child alone. In fact, the guy I mentioned at the start of this article
encouraged his girlfriend to have an abortion because he was afraid of what his
religious parents would think about an illegitimate child. He thinks what he did was
moral, but some abortions are not. Even worse, he is blind to his own hypocrisy.

Men, It's Time To Be A Daddy

It all too ironic that while women have been home raising the children, men have
been in politics making laws concerning women and their bodies. Men have used
their power in politics and religion to control and dominate women by telling us
what they think we can morally do with our own bodies. Imagine the arrogance!
That any man believes he has any place at all tell me what is legal for me to do with
my own body! This is why there needs to be more women legislators and religious
leaders.

I don't see men rushing to change societal expectations for maternal responsibility
concerning child rearing. I don't see them demanding the right to be more
responsible fathers or to play a more integral part in their children's lives. In fact, if
they did then they would be entitled to more say in the abortion issue. But why
should they want things to change? They've got it made in the shade. If things
changed, they'd have to pull their own weight, give up some of their own career
pursuits, and go home at a decent hour to the child waiting for dinner and a caring
hug.

In short, when men start choosing to be fathers, that's when they will have the right
to pipe in on whether women can choose to be mothers. Until then men, your
opinion just doesn't matter.

Why Men Should Have No Say On The Abortion Issue
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Stella Ramsaroop is a western world traveler, a life- long student, a wanna-be stargazer, and an Aquarius in all its forms (if you know what that means). Her articles emphasize the importance of the continued development and protection of gender equality in all aspects of a woman's life.

Stella is also the proud mother of four almost-grown children with her significant other Paul, whom she married almost 20 years ago.

Visit Stella’s Website at [http://www.newsparade.com/index.htm]

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Fear of Moving Or Making Changes - To Make a Change Without the Fear of Making a Change

The fear of moving or making changes in your life is a hard task for those that have lived in an area for a long time. The childhood memories can be a hard task to leave behind if you been in the area for most your life and have family. For those that been in one place for a long time and need to move, because there force too, very much can have the fear of change.

There is a way to get over change if you really have to move, you can find a way to keep your memories close to you. Taking plenty of pictures of where you lived or what's your favorite spot can help you with some of this problem. You might say you're moving, but does that mean you can't still visit the place after you move.

You might say it's the end of the world when you're forced to change, but sometimes change is for the best. The best change is the type that allows you to get a new career or been granted a new house for a family death.

Fear of Moving Or Making Changes - To Make a Change Without the Fear of Making a Change

Changing can be hard for some, which can be change from single to married. That is a huge step to most people and when the married part turns into motherhood or fatherhood, it's a jump. The motherhood can be a bad change that can have a big effect on those that can't take change.

The fear of moving or making changes can be a fear that can be hard to over come. When you try some of these tips, you need to check into getting yourself a scrap book or photo book that can capture all the memories you once had, but always remember you can visit the place when you leave there to remember all the past experiences you had. In addition, you can always move back.

Fear of Moving Or Making Changes - To Make a Change Without the Fear of Making a Change
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Lists of Deadbeat Dads

Deadbeat dads are a pejorative term that refers to those dads who are not financially supportive in their child's life. So, those fathers who fail to pay the child support amount as per the family law order from statutory agency or court are called deadbeat dads. The issue of child support is an upcoming social problem that is faced by most of the countries. Therefore, in order to give all the legal support to the child, family laws generate appropriate order in such direction. The deadbeat dads are rarely good and model citizens. In addition, they are mainly described as mythical monster by the politicians. They are not caring persons at all; mostly they are angry, depressed and frightened men who have several categories. Here is the list of deadbeat dads:

o One of the top most categories in the list of deadbeat dads are remarried supporters. In this category the fathers are remarried and they support their biological or step-children from second marriage. Often the family of deadbeat dads may be poorer than household of their ex-wife. It may be possible that their ex-wife have married with more successful person. Therefore, the deadbeat dads because of their jealousy and weak economical conditions failed to fulfill their legal liabilities.

o The next category of fathers in the list of deadbeat dads is the man in poverty. As you know that the cases of divorce and separations mainly take place due to the weak financial conditions. Therefore, it is usual that the deadbeat dads may have no income or they are homeless. Their poverty may be one of the factors of their behavior as deadbeat dads.

Lists of Deadbeat Dads

o Those who refuse to provide monetary support to their children are also known as deadbeat dads in the list of deadbeat dads. They do so because they think that their monetary support is misused by the mothers and thus it is not beneficial for their children. However, if they committed in the court that they would pay amount for their child support, then they have to obey the family law order.

o In addition, in the list of deadbeat dads there is one more category of that father who cannot find his children. Some of the fathers show that they are unable to find their child and thus they cannot support them. However, this is not an excuse for deadbeat dads. If the mothers live with their children in another state and do not want to tell anything about her address to her spouse (due to the domestic abuse), then in such condition court can help her. In place of her, court can collect the payment of child support from the father and send it to the mother as per the conditions.

In addition, there are many other categories present in the list of deadbeat dads like: men who have actual custody, those who love their children but who would not work for him/her etc.

Lists of Deadbeat Dads
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Katie Appleby is an accomplished niche website developer and author.

To learn more about list of deadbeat dads, please visit You & Your Child's Relationship Today for current articles and discussions.

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10 Parenting Tips For Fathers

Are you a father that wants to have a better relationship with his children? Do you feel that you could be doing more? Are you a new father looking for great advice on raising children? Here are 10 great tips for fathers.

1. Play with your child

Children love it when you play with them. Especially boys. It can be playing board games or playing sports. Or as simple as chasing around the yard. The important thing is that you are giving them your time, and that is what a child wants.

10 Parenting Tips For Fathers

2. Read with your child

Children love to learn. And books are a great way to learn. Read with your child, and they will grow up loving to read. Your child may try and just read certain types of books, but try and find a variety of books. Some, your child won't like. Some they will. The point is to expose them to the many different types of books as early and as often as you can.

3. Change your child's diapers

I don't know why men are afraid of this one. I've been involved with changing my children's diapers ever since the first one was born. Yes, it can be smelly. Yes, it can be messy. You will survive. And your wife will appreciate you helping out.

4. Be firm, but gentle

From time to time, your child will need to be disciplined. This should start early and ideally be done by both parents, not just one. Parents need to agree on what should be disciplined and how. When your child needs to be disciplined, it is important to be firm. Your child, especially as they get older, may try to test you. If you don't remain firm, your child will not learn to obey you. But you need to be gentle. Children are fragile. I'm not saying that you shouldn't spank your children, but rather that if it is necessary, a quick one or two swats in a younger child is often enough to get their attention. Often, though, this isn't necessary unless you are in a situation where you are out in public and you need to get their attention quick. A better way is to use a time out. When used properly, a time out can be very effective.

5. Listen to all sides

Disagreements will arise between your child and others, whether they are siblings or cousins, or other children. It is important that before you decide what you should do, you need to listen to both sides. You may not know everything that led up to the disagreement, so this is important in deciding what to do.

6. Be fair

Sometimes, when you discipline one, you must discipline another as well. That is part of why you must listen to both sides. But being fair extends to more than just discipline. Being fair when you have multiple children is that you make sure you do things for both. There may be times when you have to pay more attention to one than the other, like when one is an infant and the other can fend at least partially for themselves. But you must not do this to the exclusion of the other. As they grow older, it can be important that you find time to do things with each of them. Just remember to be fair in the time you spend with all of your children.

7. Cook (and not just on the grill)

Some men disdain the kitchen. They will go out of their way to prove they don't know how to cook. Or if they do cook, will only do so on the grill. Cooking in the kitchen not only gives your wife a break, but also shows your children that men can cook.

8. Help with the housework.

The only thing some men disdain more than cooking, it is helping with the cleaning of the house. You don't have to maintain a spotless household, but helping to keep the house clean and orderly helps keep the environment safe for your children. With you helping to do the housework, your wife will be able to relax and have more time to spend with you as well. Just because certain roles are "given" by society to men and others to women does not mean that the other can't do the work.

9. Be available and present

You don't have to spend every moment you are around with your children. However, there are times when your child needs your attention. Make yourself available to your child. But you must also remember to be present. Just being physically present when your child needs you may not be enough if you are busy on the computer, watching television, or on the phone. Look your child in the eye and listen to what they need so you can better help them with what they need.

10. Remember to teach.

As a parent, you are a role model, Even if your child is in school, there are things you can teach your child that schoolteachers can't teach. Be involved in what your child is learning. You may not be able to help with everything. Help with what you can. Remember, the most important thing you can teach your child is how to interact with others, and you do that with how you interact with your child and with others.

These 10 parenting tips for fathers can help you be a better parent. Follow them, and you can raise happy, well adjusted children.

10 Parenting Tips For Fathers
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Want to learn to be a better father? Visit How To Raise a Child In 18 Years.

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