Monday, July 29, 2013
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Monday, March 4, 2013
What the Bible Says About Being a Father
There is a very good reason why we are told to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16). It is, in fact, the first of the ten commandments that relate to our inter-personal relationships - and for a very good reason. Respect for parents is our first understanding of authority when we are children. In similar ways, our respect for God is shown in Psalm 111:10 where we read: "The fear of the LORD [is] the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do [his commandments]: his praise endureth for ever."
Fatherhood is a special role. Leadership of the family in love, mutually respecting the mother also. Building a strong family based upon a clear authority with both parents as guides for their children.
Children without guidance will end up doing a lot of bad things. Just as humans without respect for God and His Word will bring about chaos and anarchy.
What the Bible Says About Being a Father
Everything begins with the father uniting with the mother. Just as everything began with God creating the universe. Adam and Eve were personally instructed by God (Genesis 1:26-31). Creation week was fulfilled when man was put on the earth.
In Genesis 2:24 we read: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." So it is one of the primary reasons for uniting man and woman: the uniting similar to the absolute unity of God. They are not supposed to be competitors in marriage - but united in love.
Fatherhood has an element of supreme responsibility in building a good team - similar to what we know from the world of business. No company can be run if all managers work against one another. In much the same way a well run family requires a person who is willing to say "the buck stops with me" instead of finding apologies for taking a stand as Adam did.
We can read about that in Genesis 3:9-10 where we read: "And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where [art] thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I [was] naked; and I hid myself." In verse 12 Adam makes the apology: "And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest [to be] with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat." In that way he tried to blame God (his creator) for the lack of responsibility he apparently wouldn't admit.
We should never be like Adam was. We must be loving guides, fully understanding our responsibilities as parents, and showing the family unit full respect for committing for success. That is the message of the Bible about fatherhood.
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Thanks for reading this article. Hope you enjoyed the information. I administer many blogs which you can read more about here: http://blunckmeister.googlepages.com. You can follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/henrikblunck
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Monday, February 25, 2013
The Importance of Father-Daughter Relationships
In Today's busy world, Fathers find very little time to get involved in the nurture and development of their children. "Fathers bring a unique presence, a special strength to raising children," says a clinical psychologist Ray Guarendia, in her book "Back to the Family."
How true this is in the bringing up of daughters! Just as there is a special bond between mothers and sons, the relationship between fathers and daughters is unique. Fathers therefore cannot afford to remain remote characters in the lives of their daughters. Parenting is a joint venture, with fathers just as active participants as mothers.
There are various reasons why paternal involvement becomes limited.
The Importance of Father-Daughter Relationships
o Ambitious and over worked Dads put their jobs before the welfare of their families. They come home too tired to spend quality time with their children. Often the children are asleep when they return, and leave for school before Dads are awake.
o Absentee Dads: Those with traveling jobs like airline pilots, sales representatives, businessmen or long distance truck drivers may be away from home frequently, sometimes for long stretches.
o Divorced Dads with limited visiting rights also cannot spend sufficient time with their children.
o False notions that girls are to be brought up exclusively by mothers or women in the house, make men distance themselves from their daughters. They feel awkward to show affection, and so miss out on the little intimacies they could share with their daughters.
The word "Dad" is of a universal nature. It conjures up qualities of responsibility, protection, love, and discipline. Being a father can be a rewarding job, and a man who abdicates his responsibility is falling short of his God-given role. John Rosemond a Family Counselor, wrote in one of his articles that a father must not only be present but be 'actively involved' and 'a vigorously interested participant' in the child rearing process.
Jawaharlal Nehru the first Prime Minister of India, spent long spells in prison during the struggle for Indian independence. He sorely regretted his separation from his beloved daughter Indira, but he kept in contact with her through letters, which were later compiled into a book "Glimpses of World History." These letters express his deep love for her and the ease with which he expressed it.
"Priyadarshini, dear to my sight but dearer still to my heart....."
"I think of the day when we shall all three meet again, and the thought of it lightens and cheers my heart."
In spite of being absent, he kindled in her an interest in World history, Science and Politics, which contributed in no small measure to the moulding of her character.
Or who can forget Dad William Jackson Smart who raised six children single handedly in rural Washington and his daughter Senora Dodd, who fought for Fathers' Day, as a dedication to dads like him.
To be a good father, one must needs be aware of a few essential requirements.
o Show Love. No father should feel embarrassed to show affection to his daughter. A touch, a hug, a special smile, and three little words "I love you" are tangible ways of communicating love. She learns to reciprocate that love. This is her first male-female relationship with her father, and will influence her behaviour with her husband in later life. The earliest reflection of herself as female comes from her dad. How does he regard her? Does he accept her without reservations? Or does he treat her as inferior to her brother? When he shows respect she feels worthwhile as an individual. When he ignores her or is too critical, she begins to feel that she is worthless.
o Show love and respect to her mother. A good and loving relationship between parents is the foundation for her evolution into a happy, well balanced child. It gives her a sense of security, and a good opinion about marriage.
o Shared Activities: A good father will show interest in his daughter's activities. He will make her feel good about her abilities and achievements. He will find something to praise. A father should be his daughter's cheer leader. Doing things together like reading, walking, playing games is time well spent. He will also learn to see things through her eyes as she walks him through her wonderland. Time is a very precious gift.
o Communication: Listening and paying attention to what a daughter says is a way of showing love. What may seem silly to an adult may be bothersome to a child. She should be encouraged to talk of her school problems, peer pressure, studies or any other conflict situations. A good father will help her find solutions to her problems. He will teach not blame. She will be free to voice her opinions and be open to advice.
o Respect: A girl child is to be regarded as a person and not as a possession. Her right to privacy and her space to grow must be respected.
o Honesty: Being honest with his child will make a father trustworthy in her estimation. Her questions should be answered sensibly. She should be taught to distinguish between right and wrong, honesty and dishonesty. She should not be forced to do what she doesn't want to do by offering inducements, or threats or emotional blackmail.
o Discipline: "Discipline is one of the most loving, durable gifts a parent can give to his child," says Gaurendi. It should be consistent, fair and administered with love. When training a child in the way she should go, the father should make sure he goes that way himself. The task of parenting is overwhelming. It is exciting to see men who take family responsibility seriously, and are caring and compassionate. The way a father speaks, the words he uses, the tone of his voice can be encouraging or discouraging. Dependability and Integrity which she learns from her father will prepare her for 'the school of hard knocks' she must pass through on her trek towards adulthood.
The relationship between father and daughter reaches a very delicate phase when she is in her teens. This period must be negotiated with tact and efficiency. She must be assured that he values her as an intelligent and independent person. Becoming aware of his daughter's sexuality makes many a father uncomfortable. Suddenly he feels demoted in her list of priorities. So far, he was the centre of her universe. Now her eyes begin to rove and get focused on other boys. She wants to dress differently and behave differently. Some fathers cannot handle these changes well. They might react by being overprotective or overbearing.
o Overprotective: In a society which does not value modesty or sexual purity, Dad becomes afraid that his precious girl may go astray. He feels it is his duty to impose rules about dating and whom she will date, or how she will dress, or what company she will keep. This 'paternal neurosis' is unwelcome. The girl feels restricted. On the one hand it may make her feel insecure, as though she is incapable of taking care of herself. On the other hand, she might want to escape from this 'smother love' before it stunts her emotional growth.
o Overbearing: Daughters tend to rebel against dictatorial fathers. When rigid rules are imposed which she thinks unnecessary, when he restricts her activities she might begin to fear him or hate him. There is a distinct inclination to rebel. A father must be sensitive to the growing needs of his daughter and make allowances appropriately. He should negotiate fairly, allowing her to gain confidence and pride in her choices. But he must also impress upon her that choices have consequences.
A daughter considers her father a gauge by which she will estimate the worth of other men. If he is well behaved, dependable, honest and loving, she will look for those qualities in other men. He must be a praying father too as he reflects the unconditional love of God our father. Child psychologist Phyllis Bronstein says that while a mother teaches nurture and caring, a father teaches physical competence, self confidence in asserting opinions, and adventurism. Children with good fathers get on well with other people and are achievers. Whereas those who are neglected by their fathers show lower IQ, poor performance in school, and delinquency.
When fathers are abusive, hot tempered, irresponsible or alchoholics, this too has an adverse impact on daughters. They look for similar traits in husbands or lovers. Irrespective of the damage it does to them physically, psychologically and emotionally, this 'father hunger' compels them to seek such men, hoping that eventually things will change. One father said, "If I screw up, she will spend the rest of her life with a 'screw up.' I don't want that to happen."
Too much of molly coddling is unhealthy and can lead to 'father fixation.' This kind of wrong parenting can be the cause of the Electra Complex - a psychological term for a girl's romantic feelings towards her father, and anger towards her mother. Carl Jung called it the "Female Oedipus Attitude." This could even lead to incestuous relationship between father and daughter.
An anonymous poet has this advice for fathers:
"Take stock of yourself and consider your child,
Your time and your thoughts are her due;
For how would you answer the Lord if he asks
What kind of a father were you?"
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Eva Bell is a doctor of Medicine and also a freelance writer of articles, short stories, children stories. Published in Indian magazines and newspapers, anthologies and also on the web.
Author of two novels, one non-fiction, two children's books. Special interest- Travel and Women's Issues.
http://www.evabell.net
Blog: http://www.muddyloafers.blogspot.com
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Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Why Men Divorce Women?
Divorce nowadays is becoming very common especially among the Western world. In these countries, according to statistics, every second marriage is today ending up in divorce. Moreover, the surprising fact is that more than 70 percent divorce petitions are actually filed by women. This shows that women feel more dissatisfied in their marriages than men.
Going for divorce can be due to many reasons such as financial problems, infidelity, sexual dissatisfaction, physical and emotional abuse and drug use and alcoholism.
What are Men Looking for in a Marriage?
Why Men Divorce Women?
It has been seen that compared to women, men are generally more satisfied and happier with their marriage. But what kind of a marriage partner are they looking for? Men want someone who is bubbly, has positive attitude for life and can generate a cheerful atmosphere at home.
It is a proven fact that women play a major role in creating a positive and happy ambience in the house. Men like optimistic and not-too-demanding or dominating life partner, somebody who can give them their own space and generally has a positive attitude toward life's challenges.
Men file for divorce when they are stuck with a spouse who is too obsessive and a control freak and who is always complaining about their behaviour in front of others and frequently insulting them.
Nitpicking and Criticism
Men are very irritated by women who are always finding faults in their behaviour. This type of attitude in the long run has a devastating effect on the marriage.
Men generally have a great emotional need to be taken care of by women. They generally reveal their innermost thoughts to them alone, not to their male friends. Men want somebody to take care of them and to love them. If they have a life partner who is full of criticism all the time, then it generally leads to divorce.
Control-freaks
Women who are control freaks and who want to dominate others are not liked by men. All men want some personal space for themselves and be their own masters. They do not want to be dominated by their wives and explain to them their every little action and expense.
Generally, they look for women who are gentle, polite and caring and leave them free for pursuing their own interests. Women who understand this need of men and give them enough freedom are successful in making their marriage happy and contented, while relationships where the wife is obsessed with controlling men and children do not usually last long.
Inability to Conceive
Every man wants that he should have his own children to carry forward his name and lineage. The urge to procreate is very strong among men. They therefore want women who are fertile and can give them healthy babies. This desire to have children is one of the major reasons why men want to marry.
Men are looking for life partners who are attractive and give the appearance of robust health, which they take as a sign of high fertility. Fatherhood has its own joys and men do not want to be deprived of the simple pleasures of bringing up their own children and moulding them into successful adults. Infertility among women is thus another important factor which can make men to seek divorce and look for other partners who can procreate and help them in starting a family.
Sexual Coldness
Sex is a basic human want and plays a very important role in a man's life. A good sex life strengthens the relationship between husband and wife and makes their marriage happy. Regular sex helps in making the partners more intimate and caring towards each other.
Sex has many benefits, both physical and psychological. Married people with a good sex life feel better about themselves. If their wife has absolutely no interest is sexually cold toward them, then there is bound to be a problem in marriage. If there is sexual incompatibility and the partners do not feel like having sex with each other regularly, then the relationship often ends in divorce.
Infidelity
There are today many opportunities to have extra-marital affairs due to modern lifestyle. Indeed, infidelity has in recent decades emerged as one of the leading causes of divorce. No man can tolerate his wife having an affair or sexual relations with another man. It is betrayal of trust and destroys the very foundation of marriage. Very few marital relationships are able to withstand an episode of infidelity.
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James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com
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Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Understandings a Father's Rights When You Are Not Married
A father's rights in California may depend on whether or not his child was born out of wedlock. If the child was born in wedlock, the father may have a much simpler path ahead of him in terms of his right to custody, visitation or child support. If the child was born out of wedlock, the father may face a much more difficult path.
The mother of a child born out of wedlock may deny the father any rights to visitation and she has the right to assume full custody of the child unless the Court says otherwise. If the mother would like to collect child support, she may file with the court to determine the father of the child and must also file an Order to Show Cause for child support.
Either party may request a DNA test be conducted to determine the father of the child. If a father wants to obtain visitation rights, custody or child support, they will have to file an Order to Show Cause for these rights and will have to file a Petition to Establish Parentage.
Understandings a Father's Rights When You Are Not Married
In many cases, the court will grant the father visitation rights unless it is proven that it is in the child's best interest that the father is denied such rights. The reasoning is complicated and delicate as another parental figure who appears in and out of the child life could bring on strong dependency issues later on in life.
Determining a father's rights in the state of California may be difficult and confusing for some people. Consulting with a knowledgeable attorney who specializes in the area of family law may help to shed some light on the process and the father's options. The objective is to make all parties come to a level of acceptance that is fair.
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Justin recommends to look for more information and to get a Father's Rights Lawyer before arguments happen and then you may need a Domestic Violence Attorney. Visit the offices of Diefer Law Group.
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Monday, December 24, 2012
Father's Graduation Letter to Daughter
First, congratulations on completing your college degree! I'm impressed with the determination, drive and hard work you have demonstrated during your college days. Good job!
Every day marks the beginning of the next day of your life but there are certain days that represent major milestones. This is one of them. You are now faced with an almost infinite number of choices as you look forward to whatever you'll be doing and wherever you'll be going next. There is no right or wrong path to take in life, as all journeys can be great ones. It is you who'll ultimately determine how interesting, fulfilling and rewarding the journey is, not the road you take.
Having said that I encourage you to take some risks, especially early on in life when you perhaps have more flexibility, and consider exploring different directions and ventures that may not be so obvious and common. If your ambition is to be like everyone else - nothing wrong with that - then you should follow the conventional path in life. If you want to try something different you have to throw conventional wisdom out the window and take what most people would characterize as risks or even irresponsible choices. This could be anything from spending a couple of years working somewhere in China, starting your own company, joining a sub-Saharan help organization, going to grad school in New Zealand, joining a two year long oceanic expedition or working in Switzerland or Norway for a few years. The list is endless.
Father's Graduation Letter to Daughter
Life is made up of a lot of small journeys and you want to strive to make them as enjoyable, interesting and rewarding as possible. When you embark on a journey you never know what will happen along the way and where it'll end up, which, at least to me, is incredibly fascinating. Regardless of the path you choose I know you'll be fine. But try to pursue something you really want to do although it is not always easy to know what that is. One piece of advice: never let money be the primary motivator for what you decide to do. Success is not measured by your job, your education, how much money you have or what kind of car you drive. Success is determined by who you are and how you lead your life.
I could spend a lot of time providing advice but I'm sure you'll figure it all out along the way, which is the way life is. But I'll share a few things that I have found of great help and could perhaps have done more of during certain parts of my life:
-Treat all people with respect and be nice to everyone - no exceptions
-Always maintain the integrity of your personal character - it defines who you are
-Have lots of good friends and actively cultivate your friendships
-Don't expect too much from others - expect a lot from yourself
-Do what is right even if it is difficult - it is always tempting to take the path of least resistance
-Don't worry about the past or about things you can't affect - it only makes you miserable
-Never criticize and complain - it doesn't require skills, intelligence or experience
-You have more power and abilities than you think you have - yes, you can move mountains
-Do more than expected at work, at home - don't expect pats on your back - rewards will eventually come
-Never be afraid to tell the truth even if it is bad news - hiding problems only make them worse
-Be an independent thinker and make up your own mind - lead, don't follow
-All relationships require lots of work from both parties - it's never easy - mutual trust and respect is key
-Stay healthy
-And remember: life is too important to be taken seriously
I could go on and on but enough preaching. I know you'll figure it all out.
Again, great job on your degree and enjoy your journeys in life!
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Friday, December 14, 2012
Father Love - Coaching Families on Fatherhood
Parenting is often defined in terms of mother love. That is because in most cases, mothers are the primary caregivers. But what about father love? In days past, the father's role in the family was that of breadwinner. He went to work, ate dinner, relaxed, and prepared for following day. He spent very little time parenting his children. That was then, and this is now. My how things have changed.
The fluid nature of modern family life often leaves men confused about their role as fathers. This confusion is compounded by the fact that a great many men have no role model. Their fathers were either of the traditional ilk or their childhood family structure was poles apart from the one they live in today. While everything may seem a bit topsy- turvy, there is one fact that still holds true. Fathers have a strong impact on their children, and there are reams of research to prove it.
Good Fathers-Good Families-Great Kids
Father Love - Coaching Families on Fatherhood
What We Know
• Infants
Babies with involved fathers test higher in brain development and thinking skills.
Babies who have secure attachments to their fathers grow into children with a heightened sense of empathy for others.
Baby boys whose fathers are affectionate and engage in stimulating play are more popular when they attend school.
• Toddlers
Fathers have more influence on language development than mothers.
The rough and tumble play that fathers are known for encourages children to explore their strength and recognize their ability to accomplish new tasks.
Fathers who physically play with their toddlers are creating an environment that helps their children learn early interpersonal skills and how to get along with others.
Toddlers whose fathers play with them score higher on thinking and problem-solving tests.
• School Age Children
Boys whose fathers practice reading and counting skills with them score higher on math tests.
Children whose fathers are supportive have fewer school related problems, such as poor test results and absenteeism.
Children with ADHD who have supportive fathers are more apt to successfully adjust to the school environment.
Children whose fathers share their activities and interests with them behave better in school.
Girls whose fathers discuss how their behavior can affect others are considered very likeable and unselfish by their classmates.
Children whose fathers are routinely involved in their care make higher grades in school.
When fathers avoid risky behavior, it positively impacts their sons' educational achievement.
• Teens
Teens who feel their fathers were available to them have fewer conflicts with friends and stronger peer relationships.
Fathers of teenage girls influence their work ethic, and how they relate to others and plan for the future.
• Character Development
Fathers who are affectionate and helpful have children who are more likely to get along better with their siblings.
Children whose fathers acknowledge their emotions and help them deal with them, score higher on emotional intelligence tests.
Children whose fathers are emotionally involved are less aggressive and have better relationships with their peers.
Fathers are influential in helping children develop a sense of industry-the belief that he or she can accomplish a goal or master a skill, which directly impacts the development of self-esteem.
Children whose fathers challenge them to handle age appropriate responsibilities score higher in the area of thinking skills.
Fathers who take responsibility for their families model an internal sense of control, which encourages children to take responsibility for their own successes and failures.
Children whose fathers encourage them to participate in sports and physical fitness pursuits are more successful in school and later in their careers.
Boys who identify with or admire their fathers score higher on test that measure moral judgment and values.
Children whose fathers are involved in their upbringing grow to be tolerant and socially responsible adults.
Boys living in low income communities are more likely to break the cycle of poverty when fathers are involved in their lives.
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Dr. Caron Goode is gifted with compassion in assisting others to effect lasting transformation through spiritual coaching, books, classes and seminars. Caron's continuous education, experience in psychology and professional writing makes her a great resource for parents wishing to create and maintain a nurturing relationship their children.
For more information, please visit our website: http://academyforcoachingparents.com
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